Websites that SUCK!

[EvB]

Inspired by another thread - and MV's comments on awful websites -

I'd like to get YOUR links to C2C guests with awful websites.  I was considering a poll - and may do one. But, there are just so MANY!  C2C itself may be at the top of the list.

In a way, I hate to start with this - since the woman who runs the site is one of Art's favorites. - But, well, DAMN!

Here tiz:  http://www.mysticalblend.com/  - "Dr." Evelyn Paglini

Sad, too, since we share a name. siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

And THIS:  http://www.hogueprophecy.com/

Or: http://www.enterprisemission.com/

How about one with some much crap on the homepage it takes forever to load even in broadband? http://www.prisonplanet.com/

How long can you scroll? http://www.earthfiles.com/

Okay - it's your turn.

[PhantasticSanShiSan]

It's funny.  Everytime I see this issue raised, that is the first website (www.mysticalblend.com) I think of!  Good Call.

[Camazotz Automat]

Any issues I might have regarding Mystical Suck's website are outweighed by issues I have have with Paglini herself.

I have more occult abilities in one of my firmly ensconced vertebraic dice (talk about ~random~ kundalini rising) than that woman has in her voluminous body.
 

When she speaks of coming from a long line of witches, I blast the radio with a plasma gun.  It reminds me of Wiccans behooving me this or admonishing that and it turns my stomach thusly.  She is Sylvia Browne with a different spin.  The way MV feels toward Dames is similar as to how I feel toward Paglini.  Her dire warning excrement gets old but quick.

Back to topic: Paglini's page looks dead-on 1998.  Starry background is a bit glass in the eye.  Graphics are so loud I detect the distinct scent of sandalwood incense and a well thumbed book on Pythagoras behind the counter under the register.  (long story)

Having said that, I would rather surf on old style page than those overloaded with needless graphics, flash, sound files, etc.

Like the keepers of The Village, what I desire most is ~information.~  Whatever form it takes. 

The obligatory pic of the aforementioned spinal components:

CAMAZOTZ AUTOMAT

[Max]

are there any more websites we should know about???

[Max]

http://www.jesusisnojoke.com/heidihollis/  <--- talk about crappy

[Camazotz Automat]

http://www.the-end.com/

I can't swear he was a CTC guest. 

I can swear his site sucks, as does his free book.

CAMAZOTZ AUTOMAT

[Michael Vandeven]

christ in a car seat.... scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scrollscroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll.

[EvB]

http://www.the-end.com/

I can't swear he was a CTC guest. 

I can swear his site sucks, as does his free book.

I'm guessing your talking content here - not design.  Or maybe you have an issue with functionality (I didn't stick around long enough to find out) Cuz I gotta tell ya - that while I didn't stick around to take notes - the site seemed pretty clean and non-offensive to me (again - I'm talking design - you can talk about whatever you like!)    

[Camazotz Automat]

I'm guessing your talking content here - not design.  Or maybe you have an issue with functionality (I didn't stick around long enough to find out) Cuz I gotta tell ya - that while I didn't stick around to take notes - the site seemed pretty clean and non-offensive to me (again - I'm talking design - you can talk about whatever you like!)    

The first thing that offends my sensibilities are the large yellow letters in that particular font on a black background.  The lack of quality graphics puts it in the 1990s as well.  I don't like the navigation menu.

The plus side, each page is short in word count as you stroll through his insanity.

We're all about to die.  You better get ready.

Functionality seems okay, as I ordered and received a free book from him.  Over the course of two weeks during odd moments, I found 321 mistakes and highlighted them and provided references regarding corrections.  I used his own recognized sources.  As a FREE BONUS I inscribed the book, telling him I plan to attend his funeral, which will come long before any of the cataclysmic events he hopes will transpire.

Then I sent it back to him.

COMPLETELY FREE!!!! ABSOLUTELY FREE!!!

CAMAZOTZ AUTOMAT

[EvB]

The first thing that offends my sensibilities are the large yellow letters in that particular font on a black background.  The lack of quality graphics puts it in the 1990s as well.  I don't like the navigation menu.

As a FREE BONUS I inscribed the book, telling him I plan to attend his funeral, which will come long before any of the cataclysmic events he hopes will transpire.

Then I sent it back to him.

COMPLETELY FREE!!!! ABSOLUTELY FREE!!!

Well - that font would look a bit better if rendered as a vector - rather than raster.  Note to anyone who is interested:  A serif font will look ratty if rasterized.  The larger it is - the more that shows.

As for your response to his work - CLASSIC - and one more reason why we MUST love our CAM!

[PhantasticSanShiSan]

Functionality seems okay, as I ordered and received a free book from him.  Over the course of two weeks during odd moments, I found 321 mistakes and highlighted them and provided references regarding corrections.  I used his own recognized sources.  As a FREE BONUS I inscribed the book, telling him I plan to attend his funeral, which will come long before any of the cataclysmic events he hopes will transpire.

Then I sent it back to him.

COMPLETELY FREE!!!! ABSOLUTELY FREE!!!

CAMAZOTZ AUTOMAT

....awesome.

[Michael Vandeven]

i'm starting to feel UFOShip needs to be included in the list of shitty sites.  i "allowed" the starry 1990s background to be added by a guy who "seemed" to know what he was doing.  overall, however, i just think E107 is a really ratty, unprofessional looking content management system.  when ufoship started, i was VERY noobish in the website design department, and i still am in many ways.  i do what i can, but i don't know everything i need to know.  not even close.

i wish i had known enough to refuse the suggestion of using e107 from the beginning.  i would have been well served to go with joomla since it's far more professional in appearance and includes far more functionality and a vastly larger array of themes.  it's also more stable and secure.  problem is, i don't know how to proceed about porting the content from e107 over to joomla.  i might just at some point have to go in and manually reconstruct the site in joomla to the best of my ability.  the thing that REALLY blows is that i would lose the thousands of user comments on both the site its self and in the old message board which still exists but isn't linked anywhere.  it was sort of the precursor to GNS, but it didn't compare in terms of activity.

[PhantasticSanShiSan]

HEY! Stop the self-deprecating. Look at it this way - UFOShip may not "look" like genius, but on a satirical level, it's genius.  It's as if it's the web-site of a C2C guest.  Satirical AND Tributary. Like I said, genius. So until the overhaul, go with that.

[Max]

i'm starting to feel UFOShip needs to be included in the list of shitty sites.  i "allowed" the starry 1990s background to be added by a guy who "seemed" to know what he was doing.  overall, however, i just think E107 is a really ratty, unprofessional looking content management system.  when ufoship started, i was VERY noobish in the website design department, and i still am in many ways.  i do what i can, but i don't know everything i need to know.  not even close.

i wish i had known enough to refuse the suggestion of using e107 from the beginning.  i would have been well served to go with joomla since it's far more professional in appearance and includes far more functionality and a vastly larger array of themes.  it's also more stable and secure.  problem is, i don't know how to proceed about porting the content from e107 over to joomla.  i might just at some point have to go in and manually reconstruct the site in joomla to the best of my ability.  the thing that REALLY blows is that i would lose the thousands of user comments on both the site its self and in the old message board which still exists but isn't linked anywhere.  it was sort of the precursor to GNS, but it didn't compare in terms of activity.

you never have to lose comments, and data...

alot of times there are converter programs out there...

also the stars back ground can be removed and just left black... dull and boring sometimes is the easiest way to go.

alot of times a website can suck but the content pulls it out..however sometimes the content can not even do that...

[EvB]

i wish i had known enough to refuse the suggestion of using e107 from the beginning.  i would have been well served to go with joomla since it's far more professional in appearance and includes far more functionality and a vastly larger array of themes.  it's also more stable and secure. 

I'm not sure about the porting issue - but look at the Joomla site and see. I seem to recall they address that.  you have so much going on at UFO that's I'd be scared to try and tackle it alone - but if you need help - lemmie know and I'll do what I can.   

[Max]

I have 4+ joomla based websites that I use, and honestly e107 templates can not be that hard..

if MV wants help with a conversion to joomla... that would be a task and a half...

templates are simple in joomla... they just look scary.

[Camazotz Automat]

i'm starting to feel UFOShip needs to be included in the list of shitty sites.  i "allowed" the starry 1990s background to be added by a guy who "seemed" to know what he was doing. 

I have to side with Phan.  There is a difference between sucking and painting a room loudly because it ~is~ the party room.

I'm actually a fan of star backgrounds, but a problem occurs when I see the background on a New Age themed site.  As EvB inferred, content can affect my judgement of code instantly.

I like loud.  Witness how I enjoy posting signature graphics within my postings.  It may be tacky, but I can think of nothing ~cooler~ than a luminous saucer gliding across a star filled background, leaving a temporary wake of transparent distortion or a slight vapor trail.  Or a hovering translucent whitish mint green cigar-shaped UFO that appears to be pulsing with alien technology.

Wait... wait a second... what's that?  That fucking pulsing whitish mint green cigar-shaped UFO has a "White Owl" paper cigar band wrapper on it.  What kind of site is this?

I once made a star background more scientific and less eye popping by using only white stars with plenty of space in between.  It can change a cartoonish sky into a planetarium sky if you know what I mean.  One or two constellations can be incorporated as well.  But as Max said, dull and simple sometimes drives the point home.  I like your navigational console, but personally I would tweak it by adding some retro biomechanoid aspects so that one feels like they are playing an old game of "Captain Blood."  (That dates me.  If you will step this way, for a nominal fee, you can be photographed standing next to my OMNI magazine collection.  It weighs in at 2 metric tons.)

But biomechanoid ... that's just me.  A walking contradiction.  Digital organic.  Tentacles in hexidecimal.  In Space No One Hears You Scream... all that Hocus Pocus Forbidden Planet shiite.  I want you to feel like you're walking into Stephen King's "The Mist" with a little Groucho Marx thrown in.  Welcome to the Automat.  Just push a white rubber button or pull the chrome lever, but when the glass windowed compartment opens, you're on your own.  Abandon all hope ye who ordered here.

In lieu of a Flash saucer gliding by, you can never go wrong with a shot of Saturn, slightly fuzzy, about the size of a marble, in a monochrome yellow glow, in the top right hand corner.  Retro science fiction.  It screams "We are cool.  We are not of Earth."  Carlin might say "We're so cool, we have a cock ring around our planet. Beat that, goddamn it."

My suggestion overall: play with the site a little at a time and tweak aspects of it to reflect your current tastes instead of worrying about a full blown conversion and above all, don't fix what isn't broken.  Move the furniture around, and throw in a new coffee table and see what the neighbors say.  That's my two cents for what it's worth.  Well, eighty-five cents.

CAMAZOTZ AUTOMAT

[Camazotz Automat]

The ultimate in star crap.  Someone stop this webmaster.  Stop this man.

(if I recall correctly, Jordan was a guest on Ouija Experiment night and warned Noory the planet would burst into pagan flames if Noory followed through with the plans. Thankfully, Noory backed down and saved all of our miserable lives!  Thanks, Uncle Noory!  You're swell!)

http://www.jordanmaxwell.com/